It’s that meeting again. The one with the know-it-all, kiss-up-to-the-boss, expects-you-to-speak-up, doesn’t-want-you-to-interrupt, is-going-to-talk-over-you guy. You know the one.
It’s a weekly leadership meeting. You are a key executive, expected to bring a fresh perspective to the table (you were hired to do so after all), yet many of the people in the room have been there for years. Some since the beginning. They want you to change them, yet they don’t want to change.
This meeting is especially challenging as we are not hitting our numbers, investors are getting antsy, and you have to believe there have been some behind-the-doors conversations happening that are causing your boss (the CEO) to be a bit on edge.
Alas, that guy you are dreading is the new guy. He was hired to fix those numbers. He has a long history in the industry and an even longer Rolodex. He’s the new shiny object and you are old news.
Ugh, the Judge is strong so far… unappreciative boss, know-it-all new guy, and you as the failure. You may not know it at this point, but you are not really loving yourself. You assume the person’s bad behavior is directed at you when others in the room may be affected as well.
Your energy is tapped out. You know your emotional reserve is running low. You cannot see how this guy’s saboteurs are affecting others in the room (not just you). You don’t know how you are going to perform in the next meeting. You need to recharge before you can return to problem-solving.
You need to put your mask on first. If you do not have this feeling for yourself, you cannot have it for others.
Enters the Empathy Sage Power.
The Positive Intelligence Sage Powers are a way to access your positive self and help you overcome challenges with a more positive mindset. Empathy is the Sage Power you use to understand yourself and others and the connection between the two.
Spend one minute visualizing yourself as a child.
To activate the Empathy Sage Power you need to find and exercise the Insular Cortex (a hub in our brain). A good way to do this is to visualize yourself as a child. Difficult childhood? Take this moment to put those feelings aside. Look further back. Write the story you want to write.
Imagine yourself doing your favorite thing, holding your favorite toy, or hugging a pet or loved one. We are activating the part of our brain associated with empathy. Again, even if you had an unhappy childhood, don’t judge yourself. Consider the steps can you take to let that go for a moment and celebrate yourself. You may not be able to remember this, yet we are all born happy and curious.
Tell your story to yourself.
What is the story you want to tell yourself about your childhood? What is the story you want to tell about your present self? My Hyper-Rational saboteur friends, you may have tendencies that cause you to see only the superficial. Push yourself to get to the essence. Ask yourself, what is the energy?
Know when you are ready.
When you develop empathy for yourself, you will find it easier to deal with the negativity of others and better understand their motivations and fears. Not right away. It takes time to build up this muscle.
Once you get there, you will be better able to:
- Understand the needs of people around you, including those at work.
- Treat people the way they wish to be treated by understanding their unspoken communication and perceptions of your actions.
- Handle interpersonal conflict more effectively both at home and at work.
- Accurately predict and motivate the actions and reactions of others.
- Convince others of your point of view more effectively.
- Experience the world in higher resolution by perceiving through multiple perspectives.
- Become a better leader, follower, and friend.
This is not about making you a big ‘ole softy; it’s giving you more tools in your tool belt.
The power of empathy is not a silver bullet.
We need to remember the waves in the ocean cannot be changed; we can only change how we surf the waves. We cannot change the irksome boss, the saboteur-triggering new guy, the people stuck in their ways, etc.
We can choose the right board, wax the board a certain way, and shift our stance as needed. Meaning, we can change how we respond to the room around us. The steps we take before we enter the room. Our tone of voice and body language, what we say, and questions we ask while in the room. Finally, the steps we take after we leave the room.
We cannot do all this unless we learn to love ourselves first. We need to trust that we can surf the wave to the end (whatever end that may be). Without trust and love in ourselves, we will fall.